Monday, March 25, 2013

How to Ruin Your Life

Get stuck. Stay in one place your whole life. Always order vanilla even though the menu is four pages long. Become the type of person who sends back lattes. Save up your money for a plasma TV instead of a plane ticket. Talk a lot about things you know nothing about. Have an affair with someone you don’t even find attractive. Refuse to forget your ex. Make it impossible for yourself to do anything without remembering that you used to do it with them. Hug your knees under the sheets and think about how safe you felt when they held you at night. Remind yourself daily of how empty you feel. Find new ways to make yourself sad. Get drunk all the time. Consider no Saturday night, national holiday or extended happy hour complete without a vodka-induced breakdown. Graduate college but keep drinking like you’re still in it. Notice that cheap beer tastes watery and stale when you drink it alone but drink it anyway. Look at old Facebook photos wasted and wonder where everyone went. Never drink. Never do anything that could potentially be “bad” for you. Treat your body like the temple it is and say no to carbs, yes to wheatgrass, go to bed at ten sharp and turn down cake on your birthday. Take fifteen different dietary supplements. Monitor carefully. Succumb to nothing. Miss out on everything. Compare yourself constantly, to everyone. Allow the standards of image-obsessed, age-obsessed culture to make you feel decrepit at 25. Scroll through skinny girls on Tumblr feeling wistful and inadequate. Pull at the skin on your hipbones, stomach, and underarms in the mirror.  Sigh a lot. Sigh all the time. Don’t fall in love with anyone or anything. Put an impenetrable wall between yourself and other people. Add a fire-breathing dragon and eight yards of barbed wire. Be suspicious of everyone’s motives. Hold grudges long after you’ve forgotten what for. Fall in love with everyone and everything. Run after the next best thing like it’s a bus you’re perpetually late for. Throw your heart into every other stranger’s hands and be genuinely surprised to be hurt. Refuse to learn. Refuse to ever learn

(via Baby is a Sinner)

10 comments:

The Dainty Dolls House said...

I agree with these!! These are marvellous. Have a great day doll!! xx

Camila Faria said...

I say NO to all of that, thankfully!

Erica said...

Oh, gosh so true! I have to agree on the plasma tv... and even the internet these days. It is so easy to get sucked in and live through others lives when what you really need to do is get out and live your own life!!!

Elle Sees said...

Excellent advice, hehe

Ashley said...

ugh! to the person that sends back lattes!

Krystal said...

love. except for the vanilla part, i loooove me some vanilla!

Elsa de Diego said...

Brilliant! Xo,

Emily {Isnt That Charming} said...

"Save your money for a plasma tv instead of a plane ticket". I love this.
Isn’t That Charming.

fluff and fripperies said...

I prefer your happy lists! This one makes me very sad for all those wasted lives.

GlassesShop said...

like your post